God sends rain to Mexico and not to the Middle East. He keeps it dry and do you know why?
That was really wet.
In the Middle East
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘ I want to hang out with God.’
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ‘
Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s me…’
God commented: ‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’
God said, ‘Ah, yes.’
‘Well,’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,’ replied God, ‘hold on.’
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours’.
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
Will I Live to see 90?
An old man went to a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests the Doc said the old guy was doing ‘fairly well for his age.
(He just turned 80.)
A little concerned about that comment, The old man couldn’t
resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 90?’
He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’
‘Oh no,’ he replied, ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’
Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’
He said, ‘Not much… my former doctor said that all red meat
is very unhealthy!’
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’
‘No, I don’t,’ He said.
He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars?”
‘No,’ said the ol’ guy
” Or lots of sex?”
The Doc looked at him and said, ‘Then, why do you even give a shit?
A BOTTLE OF WINE—-A STORY ALL WOMEN WILL ENJOY!
For all the women who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you weren’t married.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in
Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car
and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of
small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just
sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
‘What in bag?’ asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said,
‘It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
” Good Trade.”