IT WAS A TIME WHEN ANIMAL FORCES TOOK OVER
Like Alice in wonderland, I suddenly found myself as OXYDIZER IN LOVE LAND. It was a magical forest called Love Gardens.
Outside on the gate a board said: HUNTER’S PARADISE FOR GOOD GIRLS AND BAD GIRLS.
And then there was confusion. There were 3 paths I could choose. One said LOVE, the second said ROMANCE and the third said SEX. My priorities were swinging like a compass needle gone haywire. Under whose dictatorship should I fall?
FIRST CHOICE: BAD GIRL
Wow! She looked incredibly sexy. Naughty girl. She kicked up the animal forces inside me. She promised unbuttoning excitement that was uncomplicated and my commitment didn’t have to go beyond the bed.
” Want to marry her?”, asked Cupid. He keeps hovering all around in the forest of love.
I said, ” No. She can kick my butt anytime.”
“But”, I added, ” She’ll make a lovely friend with sexual dividends. Liquidity.”
SAFE CHOICE: THE GOOD GIRL
Oh, she was lovely and cute. She had that look of divine angel.
” Emotional comfort and stability”, whispered Cupid. He was fondling his arrow.
I agreed and added, ” And a cozy sexual cushion at home, my emoticon.”
With glee Cupid placed the arrow on his bow. He could see that his victim was getting emotional.”
Then, both of us froze when we heard two women screaming.
Suddenly, the bad girl and the good girl turned at us together, screaming fire from their mouths.
” You f–k-ng jackass, you guys have double standards!” screamed the good girl.
Asked the bad girl, ” Why don’t you dig back into your past and remind yourself of your sins?”
Pitched in the good girl, ” Who the F told you that I’m not wearing a mask?”
Bad girl: ” What if we want a second chance in life?”
Good Girl: ” Don’t we all deserve one? And you think we’re your doormats?”
Cupid agreed with them.
He said to me, ” You’ll have to be honest about your drawbacks pal. Those ladies have a valid point.”
Then they got into a musical.
The song was, ” Dickheads play their games, when call us good and bad names.”
Bad girl: Vocals
Good Girl: Drummed on my head
The girls left me. They asked me to go suck.
Cupid disappeared diplomatically.
I sat down under a tree and opened my beer can. Suddenly a beautiful ghost appeared. She was stunning. I thought my beer was playing tricks.
She whispered, ” You goofed up baby.”
Oh! She was a real ghost.
I agreed with her.
She said, ” Go tell them the truth. Unfold your past. Spill out your double standards.”
” No I can’t,”
” I don’t want to wake up ghosts of my past. There’ll always be suspicions and my past can haunt me.”
Ghost: ” Better honest than caught.”
Me: ” You’ve got a point. Want a beer?”
Ghost. ” No, thank you. Used to when I was inside my body. See you later pal, take care.”
” You too.”
One of the trees had a lovely house on it. I had slept there in the night. Later I discovered that there were a lot of other tree houses in the park. Some had only bedrooms. Some were designed for orgies. Others had candle lit tables and harps placed in a corner for Cupid to play songs. Some were designed with open air platforms to watch the moon and sing more songs.
Mine had a confession box. Just that, there was no priest sitting behind it to hear my stories and bless me clean.
Instead, I found Charles Darwin sitting there with a deep evolutionary look. He was studying me like Species Next.
” You fucked it up son. You’re a confused fellow.”
Sir CD continued, ” You don’t seem to make up your mind whether you want to pounce into beds or sing songs under a candle light.”
Me : ” Yes Sir.”
CD: ” My apes and chimps are very clear about what they want to do. They are sex machines who keep their species going and nature is happy.”
“And,” he said, ” that’s what nature wants you to really do. You’ve got to keep her assembly line moving son. You’re the production engineer of her two legged prototypes. And then once you get older you’ll like to settle down.”
Me: ” So Sir CD, does the answer lie in marrying late after you’re over with your nuts, screws and bolts?”
” Maybe,” answered Sir CD, ” But essentially you’ll have to produce when you’re young. That’s why the young look good. They attract for production. Love is a bonding that keeps the baby nurtured. Nature is selfish about its babies. It makes sure that the world loves them. And one day they become machines too.”
Me: ” Sir CD but I never heard about these thoughts of yours. I mean yeah, you said that we all came from monkeys but this is news, I mean your new views.”
Sir CD: ” I keep evolving, even as a spirit.”
Me: ” But Prof., I find this whole thing about relationships bullcrap. They’re full of kicks on the butts. Just look at the way divorces are growing.And if I get a baby out without marrying they’ll call the baby an SOB. That’s not fair Prof.”
Prof Darwin: ” So, then is it time to question the very idea of marriage? Should we look at kids born out of one night bedlocks differently? Do we have to change the expectations from the institution of marriage? Should we give our personal choices a hard look? At some stage in your life don’t you think you’ll have to make up your mind and give in to some choice?”
Me: ” And what could that choice be prof?”
Prof: ” Buddy. Good and bad will have to come down their stairs and meet each other halfway. Happiness is about compromising.”
By this time I needed beer. Lots of it. It’s already hard enough figuring out whether our great ancestors were chimps. Now this dope from Pro. Darwin confused the crap out of me. I dug into my bag and soon four empty cans lay on the ground, gulped happily ever after. I Opened the fifth one. The sixth waited patiently.
Suddenly I noticed that Sir Darwin wasn’t around. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I spotted that beautiful ghost and Darwin gliding away hand in hand.
It was time for me to leave the forest. I had to come out of it and evolve.
I had to tell the world about my new evolution theories.
As I walked away from the Love Forest, I could hear the sounds of a harp, two females singing and the happy chuckles of a bunch of chimps.
They were all celebrating Sir Darwin’s date with that beautiful ghost.
Or so I thought, as I tossed the 10th beer can away.